I’m going to share with you what very few people have known about me and my journey.
Once upon a time, at the ripe young age of 18, I jumped at the opportunity to live in a Tibetan Buddhist nunnery in the heart of Kathmandu, Nepal. I had been immersing myself in the study eastern philosophy and Buddhism throughout high school in whatever free time I had, which wasn’t much. But, my thirst for more was enough to take me to the other side of the world, to the very source and most direct experience I could tap into.
Even as I write this, I immediately tap into the intoxicating trance that the 4 am chanting, gongs, and rituals would transport me into – amidst the incense, cacophony, and profound silence – along with the daily circumambulation of the temple on the mountaintop overlooking the nunnery, while reciting mantra with prayer beads in hand.
When it came time to leave and return to begin my university education, I was full of reluctance and hesitation and even some fear, grief, and despair as I anticipated returning back home to the life I had left behind and into the “real world”… so much so, in fact, that I seriously entertained the possibility of staying, tempted by the depth and richness of what my spiritual journey could be to devote myself to such an ascetic lifestyle and to this level of around-the-clock devotion.
And, yet, the knowing inside was so clear that this choice at this time, at least for me and my purpose, would be an avoidance of what I was truly here to discover, experience, and embody in service of sharing it with others, and that my real work was to be done in the very grit and wildness of all the textures of life that are far less predictable, buffered, and graceful than within the walls of a nunnery.
What my soul was truly craving and what was really being asked of me was to walk head-on into full spectrum living and to taste all the nuances of what life has to offer and, in the process, cultivate the vigilance to all the worldly temptations that I knew would threaten to compromise my aliveness, my sense of Self, and seduce me into believing they are the truest source of my ultimate happiness, freedom, and wellness when they are only decoys for that which we are perpetually seeking where it cannot be found.
So I reluctantly left my robe behind and returned to the states to pack my bags and begin my freshman year in college.
Soon after my return, I fell in love for the very first time, at which point I received my first book on Tantra, given to me by my mother who somehow knew it was time to expand my world into the potential that lives within the human meeting in love and sex.
It was at this time that my appetite was sparked, which brought me into several years of study and training in Tantric hatha yoga throughout my 20’s. This is a practice steeped in very precise techniques, including asana, pranayama, bhanda, mudra, mantra, and kriya – all of which are designed to lead us to that place beyond all technique. It’s at that point that we will have arrived at the end of all separation and seeking into that ecstatic moment of truly meeting the divine both within and without.
My own personal explorations of Tantra continued through reading, workshops, spending several weeks in Pune, India at the Osho ashram in my mid-20’s, and then living for years in an Osho community where we meditated and practiced regularly.
My love affair with Tantra, however, has never been something I’ve shared or spoken about directly in my work – other than with private clients who have been ripe to dive into this rich territory that is fertile ground for feeding their deepest desires, expansion, and awakening.
It’s only now, as I’m in the midst of a year-long Tantra immersion through the Chandra Bindu Institute, that I’m finally ready to give myself the permission to own this passion “out loud” and to openly begin to infuse it into my work. With every day that passes, I know in every fiber of my being that I am on the path that I was born to walk, to embody, and to devote my life’s work to sharing more and more fully.
There are innumerable definitions of Tantra, and there is no right answer. Nor is there any wrong answer. Tantra itself is simply a word attempting to capture that which cannot be contained in a word because it is a vast and ancient science that provides the very roadmap to commune with the infinite and to remember that which we always and already are.
My journey of Tantra is ever-evolving by the day. But, the simplest and most concise way that I can summarize its underlying and overarching intention is: to embody that which we seek in the transcendent and to use our ordinary human daily existence to be in the deeper inquiry into and become ever more present to our divine nature…into who we are way beyond our experience in this apparently limited reality.
For me, Tantra is about embracing this very human tension we all face in the whirl of our full lives and technologically-dominant culture as a means to fuel my daily devotion and inspiration to seek even more fiercely that which is unconditional and essential – the true source of my beauty, freedom, power, and lasting joy and fulfillment. It’s about making the journey of returning to the very essence of my eternal Self a consistent daily practice right in the midst of the very drama and duality – from excruciating to ecstatic – of this mystery we call life.
While Tantra can certainly be practiced without ever having sex, one of the ways it has impacted me the most over the years and now impacts my clients is by way of restoring the sacredness of our sexuality and, thereby, opening the door to lean even more deeply into this process of reclaiming our sensual and sexual wholeness and freedom of expression.
While sex and sexuality is only one facet of the vast science of Tantra, it absolutely embraces and includes sexuality as a gateway to access the potency of pure life force and this infinitely creative energy in service of our ultimate awakening.
I encounter so many women who feel numbed out, estranged from their bodies, and an awkwardness around their sexuality, which leaves them feeling disconnected, empty, sensually and emotionally malnourished. I’ve known this experience well myself, which has been the spark behind my passion in this work. They have a deep longing for more and an even deeper knowing that MORE is possible and they are destined for it.
Tantra is one of the gateways I’ve discovered that empowers us to find our way back to our bodies….back to HER and invites us to turn towards the essential aspects of our feminine aliveness and deep, embodied wholeness, which includes our sensual, sexual self and energy. It gives us permission to be interested in sex and provides the tools and practices to enjoy, enrich, and expand our experience both within our own bodies and our intimate relationships – all of which ripples out beyond the bedroom and into the rest of our lives and our experience of ourselves in the world.
Because of this journey and the changes I have seen in my own life, I am even more committed to supporting women in remembering their eternal essence and reclaiming sexual wholeness as the gateway to their highest potential.
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Guiding women through the potholes and landmines of self-discovery is what I do. And it never fails to take my breath away…
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If you're intrigued enough to want to have a taste of what is possible for CLICK HERE and send me a message. I'm here when you're ready....ready to come back into the throne of your queendom and say "YES" to yourself and all of the woman you aspire to be.